Writing about gender and the Church would have on its own probably have been too ambitious, but in addition to race, it would have been staggering.

http://www.fairlds.org/Misc/MormonWomenProtest.pdf

But after looking at your posts above I’m not so sure another Church invitation is what you are looking for. After reading your last few entries about wanting but not finding a moment of personal contact from God I’m thinking what you really need is another type of encounter. As you say the “world” of phenomenology is pretty big and its hard to know what’s wishful thinking, what’s self delusion, and what might just be dumb luck…not to mention what might actually be God. The problem is not that there are not enough truth claims out there, the problem is how to filter the whole breadth of human “spiritual” experience.

The question I have to ask is even if you had some sort of profound “mystical” experience what about it would necessarily confirm to you that it was genuine and God given and not either a delusion or an active deception of the enemy masquerading as God to get his hooks in you some way?

As you now at least you are free from the conflicts of having to determine if your experience was trustworthy. Where you are is a bit empty…but that could be maddening.

So, in my opinion, what might be most helpful is meeting and developing a personal relationship with a saint…or at least someone well on their way to becoming one. Living saints are not as numerous as they once were…not that they were ever terribly common…but there are a few still with us.

The proof of God is not an argument. The proof of God is His saints. He is a Person and is revealed in persons who have a depth of communion with Him. If you want to find them, then I suggest visitation to Orthodox monasteries. If there are none present at the ones you visit they can inform you about those they know of elsewhere. Actually there is one, if I remember correctly, whom many regard as a living Saint in AZ, the spiritual son of St. Joseph the Hesychast. There are definitely living saints on Mt. Athos (the holy mountain) in Greece.

Anyway…you might want read up on these things, maybe even visit, and if you do, be circumspect, living saints flee praise and are generally among the last to know that they are.

There is actually an award winning Russian movie “Ostrov” that may help introduce some aspects of Orthodox spiritual life to you. It won the grand jury prize at Sundance…its a terrific movie.

anyway…its an idea.

In my opinion it doesn’t matter if there is a God or not. I believe what I believe because it gives me comfort and meaning.

If there is a all knowing being who has the power to create all that I can see, hear and touch and I didn’t do the right things I doubt that he will even notice. Why would it have to, when I have a conscience of my own and can condemn and punish myself.

Peace

Care to share the name?